Chosen Family

Sofia Coppola and Lifelong Friends

Last week was spectacular. A week I will remember forever. Sofia Coppola and Vendela Vida are the most brilliant, down-to-earth, easy to talk to book loving ladies. Aside from a barely functioning air conditioning system on a supremely warm day, I’m fairly certain that everyone in attendance had the most marvelous night. It was almost entirely women which is always my favorite kind of event. Sofia and Vendela talked about books I’ve loved and a few new to me titles that I’ve swiftly added to my list. Apparently we all need to be reading Somerset Maugham. Razor’s Edge? Of Human Bondage?

But, truly, the most marvelous part of it was the fact that my oldest friend, Lizz, was in town and I am still riding the high. It’s funny that I finished reading a book called Chosen Family because Lizz and her incredibly kind husband, Jake, are exactly that. We first met in kindergarten and we have born witness to one another’s lives in the way that only friends can.

And then to see her meet my daughters!! To have her love them and to have them love her in return was nothing short of magical. I was busy getting ready for the Sofia Coppola event and was going to miss the girls’ end-of-camp performance so what did Lizz do? She went in my stead, of course, and video taped and clapped and took them for ice cream afterwards. I mean. If you’re looking for moments of pure joy, check out her Instagram where she posts videos that make me laugh and cry and live a lifetime, all in 30 seconds.

• I’m hoping this necklace is still on sale today — if not, apologies — because it is so delicate and extremely pretty.

• I got Faye this toiletry bag to take to sleep-away camp and I will absolutely be claiming it for myself as soon as she’s home.

• I’m sharing this because I care about you, even though I secretly want to keep Mothfood to myself. A few times a week they drop excellent vintage tees that sell out in seconds, but I managed to snag one and I’m in love.

• So random, but the kids camped in the backyard and we strung up these fairy lights made for tents (they have little hooks that align with the tent hooks). Completely magical.

• A friend was wearing some fabulous Farm Rio pants as a cover-up at the pool and I took a scroll to see what I else I could find. This set screams vacation.

• I wore the green version of this dress to the Coppola event, but I also love it in polka dots!

Chosen Family by Madeleine Gray

In early July, it feels as though summer is just beginning. There have been enough pool days, enough tomato salads, enough sunscreen sticks strewn across every available surface to make everything feel sun-drenched.

Which makes it particularly painful when Faye comes out of her room late at night, too upset to sleep. The dread of the school year starting again is enough to send my nine-year-old asking if she can sleep in the big bed. She is craving comfort.

Faye hates school because the girls in her grade are little monsters. My beautiful baby is bullied, made to feel weird and ugly and hairy and dumb. She is none of those things, but that doesn’t help. I could write pages about the helplessness of watching this happen, of having nothing to offer but reassurance.

So when I picked up Chosen Family, where Eve is made to feel disgusting and wrong by her best friend in school, I read it with my heart in my hand.

Eve is an outcast because of who she loves — her best friend, Nell — and the book tracks what happens when that love gets weaponized against her. Chosen Family follows Nell and Eve over three decades, their friendship peaking, receding, torturing, uplifting, sometimes all in the same year. The writing is funny and sharp, the characters dynamic.

One thing pulled me out of the story: on nearly every page, the queerness of the characters gets underlined for us. The mothers aren’t mothers, they’re lesbian mothers. The roommates on the couch are gay roommates on the couch. The people on the dance floor are non-binary, though I’m not sure how you’d clock that from a barstool. I wanted to shout: I know! I know she’s gay, her roommates are gay, she’s a gay woman raising a kid. I get it.

I also understand that a novel has to move forward, but I could have stayed in those early school pages forever — because that’s the part that felt closest to what I’m watching happen to Faye right now. Those days before you find your people, before you learn to armor yourself against the ones who aren’t, there’s just the cruelty, and the waiting to see if anyone will choose you back. I know she’ll get there.

For this Pairing, I’m focusing on the one-bedroom apartment Eve shares with her daughter, Lake, in the 2024 timeline. I imagine it’s small but colorful and comfortable. Here’s what I’d put inside.

1. We all need a place to put those piles of bills when they arrive. This hand-painted box would be the loveliest.

2. A beautiful hanging basket to store Lake’s stuffed animals while she’s young and all of her journaling stuff when she’s older.

3. Technically an ashtray, you could use this silver scalloped tray for all kinds of things. It’s so good.

4. A neutral, but not boring, flat weave rug from the Pierce & Ward collab with West Elm.

5. Chosen Family by Madeleine Gray

6. In such a tiny space, every detail down to the tissue box holders make a huge difference. You don’t want to see those bright Puffs designs.

7. The sweetest celestial lamp to turn Lake’s side into a starry wonderland each night. Also comes as a plug-in sconce.

8. A vintage gray-blue leather sofa would be right at home.

9. This mirror is a splurge, but what a splurge it would be. The description calls it “disarming in its quiet beauty.” Sold.

10. Lake’s bed is separated from her mother’s by a single curtain. Let’s give her a little more privacy with this luxurious velvet canopy that’s majorly on sale.

11. I love the idea of a collapsible magazine stand to store kid’s art.

Something extra for all of you lovely paid subscribers below. I’m going to start doing this regularly. Hint, hint, it’s a book-lovers gift from the Sofia Coppola event.