Grief and Pavlovas

Big exhale, the new Elizabeth Strout is here.

Things are heavy around here at the moment so, if you’re craving some levity, I’d suggest skipping these ramblings. Someone we love is dying and there is the gaping, terrible loss of it all. The grief and the worry. My kids are wrecked by it so we’re home taking long walks and watching the new Wicked (by demand).

When emotions run high, I walk and I cook so there have been tangy pasta salads with melting tangles of zucchini and bright, happy dill. I sautéed garlic and shallots until they were frizzled, plopping them on top of fillets of halibut roasted over jammy yellow tomatoes. The girls helped chop bars of chocolate and whip cream for a raspberry pavlova that I first made in college, getting Nigella’s recipe off the Food Network.

Faye, my eldest, is particularly attuned to death. When all of the traditional cancer treatments had failed and my doctor talked about medications to improve my quality of life (Nell was four months old and Faye was not yet three), Faye could sense it. Even if we didn’t talk about it in front of her. Looking at videos of her strumming a ukulele and making up songs (that head of curls!), they are inevitably about graveyards and black nights and other “spooky things.”

“Remember when you were so sick?” she would ask, a few months after the trial that finally put me into remission. “Yes,” I would say, “I remember.” And then she would ask, “Did you die?” to which I would reply, “Only a little.”

On last night’s walk, Nell brought her jumprope while Faye held the dog’s leash. One of the cats decided to follow us around the vineyard, so there we were, this funny little group in the late afternoon sun. Faye’s eyes filled as we talked about this person whom we love fiercely. “She’s the only one who really knows me,” she said. “She understands that I have magic because she told me that she’s also a witch.” All I could say was that I know. I took her hand and we headed back for pavlova.

SALES SALES SALES

It seems wild to be thinking about sale stuff right now, but I also need the distraction, so here we are. A list of things that I’m keeping open tabs for before inevitably closing them all tomorrow once the sales are over.

• This Smol splash house is only 15% off which is not enough given its hefty price tag — not to mention that my kids are probably too old for it anyway — but I also think it would make for summertime magic?? And save us on days when we can’t make it to the pool? Was $899, now $764.

• A preppy lightweight polo sweater for those in-between seasons? I love Kule and I love this. Was $348, now $209.

• I have so many excellent home things (upgrades) sitting in my Hawkins NY cart: the most beautiful garden hose; a toilet brush that I wouldn’t mind having on display; a sink caddy to corral dish brushes and soap; a striped throw blanket so the kids can stop dragging their duvets to the couch.

• Curved sparkly earrings with a little drop pearl? Getting now to wear through the holidays. Was $240, now $204

• Moon Juice is offering 35% off all subscriptions through Memorial Day and I cannot recommend SuperHair enough. I’ve been taking it for about six months now and, finally, no more shedding!!

• This raw-edged wool top from Ulla Johnson would be so pretty come fall. Was $390, now $234.

• Keeping a tab open on this lovely red Apiece Apart dress (you know, makers of my favorite clothes that I’ll wear forever and ever). Seems like the perfect solution to every single summertime event. Was $465, now $326.

The Things We Never Say by Elizabeth Strout

It feels tricky to talk about this one because it is about grief and family and loneliness and joy and the unbridled loveliness of certain relationships. In short, it mirrors my own life at the moment and I found that immensely comforting. Elizabeth Strout is one of my all-time favorite authors. She is some kind of magician with her achingly simple sentences that capture each emotion exactly. You cannot help but feel such tenderness for her characters.

In The Things We Never Say we meet a new cast of characters, but the novel is really about Artie Dam, a high school history teacher. Artie with his adoring students and distant wife. Artie with his love of sailing and plush white socks. He is deeply depressed, a fact that is perfectly masked by his winsome personality, and lonely now that his best friend has moved away and his adult son is busy living his own life.

When we first meet Artie, he is contemplating suicide. A boating accident, he thinks, during one of his regular sails around the bay. Strout understands people so intimately. Their mannerisms, the annoyances and the affections. She understands shame and longing and the particular loneliness that can occur in a marriage when you no longer see one another. A massive secret is revealed to Artie midway through the novel and nothing will ever be the same. It reframes the past and alters his future.

And against this internal upheaval, the 2020 election happens. I loved the scenes in the classroom when Artie the teacher is confronted by racism and fear and absolutisms. His relationship with the students is so beautiful — those moments quickly became my favorites. Mr. Damn-Dam!

There is something Strout does that I am still thinking about: she lets her characters hold grief and joy at the same time, without making either one win. Artie is depressed and beloved. Lonely and seen. Like with all of her books, I loved every minute.

1. A perfect nautical stripe sweater for brisk mornings by the sea.

2. The cutest straw hat with a paracord string for windy days by the water.

3. A Montauk (close enough) inspired tote fits the bill nicely.

4. A lobster fob!! Absolutely charming.

5. It’s all about those tied cuffs on this timeless-with-a-twist gingham shirt.

6. Seaside living means you need towels! These striped ones from the West Elm x Emma Chamberlain collab are exactly right.

7. These new boat shoes from Boden are giving me all of the Jamie Haller feels, but for significantly less.

8. The Things We Never Say by Elizabeth Strout

9. Artie loves a white sock — something that drives his wife crazy. I have and love these tennis-y feeling ones. They’re extra cushy and slightly dorky, just like Artie.

10. Jeans with ankle length hems “perfect for highlighting your loafers” or, in this case, your boat shoes.

Hope you’re reading something good 💚